5 types of silence.
- Awkward silence
The most common one which happens when two people are just getting to know each other. It’s the briefest of the lot because it will usually be interrupted as both try to come up with common topics, questions about each other… anything to narrow the gap between the two.. in order to become closer.
- Nonchalant silence
Two people know each other well enough already but are incapable of or simply not interested in going past the casual acquaintance stage. They just end up being together out of convenience or sheer coincidence. Neither is the other’s ideal choice of companion, but they can get along. Even though two of them are walking side by side, in spirit and mind, they’re miles apart.
- Strained silence
When two people used to be close, intimate but find that they can no longer keep it up. One scenario is that one stays the same but the other one grows/drifts, where the common topics have just been exhausted over time and there’s nothing to make the other person stay. Another is that both are keen on maintaining the relationship but have just grown apart, in different directions. The only time the silence is broken is by phrases like “Oh, I don’t do that/I’m not interested in that anymore”, “Since when did you…? / I don’t remember you ever…” which eventually gets tiresome and frustrating as you realize the person you’re talking to just isn’t the one you used to share a bond with anymore.
- Stifled silence
One person wonders if he or she ever really knew the person at all or had the relationship always been based on misconception, thinking that both were on the same page when they could both have been reading each other’s actions and words wrongly? The stifled silence occurs only when two people are close enough or at least thought they were close enough, to become accustomed to talk about anything and say the first thing that comes to their mind. They’ve reached a certain level of intimacy and openness, yet the really burning questions - “Did you ever really..?”, “Why would you go to all that trouble if you didn’t…”, “Where do we stand?” - remain stagnant in the air, accumulating as the days go by - the bulk of it increasing the widening gap between the two people, the weight of it suffocating the one who is adamant on maintaining the silence.
- Comfortable silence
The coveted, comfortable silence shared between two kindred souls. Words become superfluous because the two know each other so well and are completely attuned to one another that they communicate on a different level - through a lingering glance, a knowing smile… all the while feeling absolutely secure in the fact that both find an inexplicable contentment simply by being in each other’s company. This form of silence doesn’t feel prolonged - it’s the best silence of all because there’s no desire to end it. No pretenses/facades to make a good first impression, no pressure to keep the person interested, no hesitancy to let yourself be vulnerable, because somehow, you just know that the relationship is in for the long haul. That period of shared silence is almost like saying to each other: As much as I treasure every single conversation we have - the banter, the teasing, the discussions, the stories - but for now, let’s just take a break and relax knowing that we can carry on from where we left off tomorrow, the day after… and for the rest of our lives.
